It must have been love
by Sandra6
Summary: What Carol felt when she and Doug broke up the first time.


It must have been love!  
  
People don't always believe what you say, but they believe what you do.  
  
Here I am waiting for him, he promised he wouldn't forget, promised to pick me up.  
  
I don't want to know where he is, with who he is.  
  
I'm afraid to ask him, afraid what his answer is gonna be.  
  
Maybe he'll tell the truth, but it doesn't matter anymore. I'm hurt anyway,  
  
Hurt for all the times when he didn't showed up, all the long waiting outside in the cold.  
  
I know my mamma is right, I deserve better, but how come I still want him so badly, how come I love him so much when he doesn't love me.  
  
We've been together for almost two years know, and we broke up so many times. And all because of the same reason. 'The gossiping in the hospital about his cheating.  
  
When I first met him, he was so kind and funny. When he asked me out, I wanted to say yes, but I had heard the talking from everybody, "your a smart girl, you don't need a guy like Ross" "As soon as he had you, your out of his mind".  
  
When I turned him down, I felt good that I said that, but one look in those eyes of him and I regretted it. During that week he kept asking me out.  
  
It felt kind of good, it made me feel wanted, he was so handsome, he could of get any girl but he wanted me.  
  
After a week a trauma came in, a little boy he was beaten badly by his dad, he was so good with that child. He stayed all night with that little boy, he never left his side. He was so good with kids. He had a way with them that I never saw before. He looked so lonely. When I went in the room where they were, he looked at me, and he gave me a smile, but his eyes looked so sad. When the boy was released and child support made sure to Doug that they would place him in a good home. He didn't do anything, he didn't say anything. From his expression I couldn't tell or he was happy with it or not. That day he came to me when I was cleaning up after a trauma. He looked at me, and stepped closer to me. "Carol, What do you have to loose, nothing. Please don't say no, not today". "Ok I said, I'll go out with you, but just as friends." Doug smiled and said "I'm gonna make sure you will remember this night."  
  
And he was right I never forgot that was our first date, not that you can call it a date, we didn't even left the house. But it was the beginning of our relationship.  
  
During the time we were dating, people came to me, they were giving me strange looks. So when I asked Haleh about it, she told me she was sorry, but that I would get over it. I didn't had a clue were she was talking about. So I went to Lydia and she had a real sad look in here eyes when I asked her what was going on. She took me in the lounge and we sat down on the couch. "Carol, I'm so sorry I have to tell you this, but Doug he cheated on you".  
  
"No, he wouldn't do such a thing", I told her. "A security guard caught him and some nurse from up in ob-gyn together, please Carol believe me, he has done it before too so many woman, that's why we all warned you for him". "No Lydia, it's not true." I walked out of the lounge and I went back to work. When I got home, I called Doug but he didn't answer his phone. So I went to bed. In the middle of the night I heard knocking on my door. By this time I knew it was Doug. It had scared me in the beginning, him showing up drunk at my door, he acted do differently. I tried to send him away when he was drunk the first couple of times, but as soon as he looked in my eyes, I forgot what I was planning to do or say.  
  
"What are you doing here Doug, it's night, I'm in bed".  
  
"I came to see my girl". He said as he walked to the door and closed it." "I missed you Carol, I haven't seen you today", he pushed me aside and started kissing me. By this time I would always forget all the gossip, and didn't believe it anymore. Because why would he be with me then, Instead of those girls.  
  
A couple months later the gossiping didn't stopped, it was only getting worse. "He has done it so many times know Carol, why are you still with him." Even Mark came to me, his best friend. "I know Doug for a long time, if your smart your getting out of this relationship before you get to attached, your gonna fall in love with him, and he doesn't care." I thought Mark was lying so I kept on thinking they were all wrong and I knew him better then them. And it was already too late, I already loved him.  
  
It was a Friday night and we both had that night off, he was supposed to come to a family dinner that night to meet my mom and sisters. It was an hour after he supposed to come and pick me up, but their still wasn't a sign of him. I was getting worried so I called the hospital but Mark assured me that he was ok, just a little late.  
  
30 minutes later I was in front of his door, I knocked but nobody answered. I opened the door, when I noticed it wasn't locked. I walked inside and there were 2 pair of shirts on the floor, when I walked in to the living room, I heard somebody laughing out of the bedroom. It scared me, it was a women's voice. I wanted to leave that place, I really wanted it to, but I couldn't my feet kept walking to that door. I pushed softly against the door and the door went open.  
  
"You're the most beautiful women I ever saw" he said. "You say that to everyone" she chuckled. As he went down to kiss her, she moved her eyes to the door. "O my God, Doug" she said as she pushed Doug's head to the door. His mouth fell open as he jumped up. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. I walked out of the room to the door, when he grapped my arm. He was completely naked. "I'm sorry Carol, this wasn't supposed to happen." "Well it did, and you didn't looked to sad about it." I pulled my arm loose, and I walked out the door. I heard him calling my name, telling me he was sorry.  
  
I walked to my car, and drove home. I couldn't believe him, how could he do that to me.  
  
When I came home, I laid down on the couch and I started crying hysterically. I couldn't stop crying, it hurted so badly.  
  
When I think about it know, I was so stupid. Stupid to believe all his excuses, stupid to not believe my friends and colleges, and so stupid to take him back when he cheated on me with that women. He promised me he wouldn't do it again, and I was stupid enough to believe him. I didn't trust him anymore, but I also didn't do anything when they started warning me again that he was cheating again. I think deep down I knew it all along, but I fell in love with him. I told him I loved him once, he freaked out, he walked away and he didn't spoke with me for a couple days. I still can not believe that I stayed with him, they say love is blind.  
  
I never believed that but now I do, I really do. I love him so much that I can't live without him, it's hurts to be with him, but it hurts even more to be without him.  
  
And her I am again, waiting in front of his door. After all those months.  
  
I can hear a women's voice. I can hear moaning. And I don't want to go in. Cause I know what he's doing. I have to go in, I know it will hurt me, but I can't hide for the facts. I promised myself that when he would do it again I would break up with him. As I'm standing here waiting to open that door, I remember all the fun we had, and all the hurt he caused me, maybe it's better if we would break up. But I don't see that yet, O God I love him, I love him so much.  
  
I knocked on the door slowly, waiting for him. No response. I knocked the door again and again, till I heard him calling "I'm coming". When he opened the door, he looked me right in my eyes. "Carol" he whispers. "Oh, I'm sorry; I was supposed to pick you up for dinner tonight. I'm sorry I had a though case at the hospital so I went straight to bed" "I don't need any excuses Doug" I said as I walked trough his door, I went straight to his bedroom, and there she was, another blond hair, big breast women. Doug turned me around and looked me in the eyes. "She meant nothing, I mean it, I don't care about her, I care about you." "Sure Doug, that's what you say all the time, but that's fine, you just fuck her brains out, were over, and this time I mean it." I walked out of the room, out of the house, I could hear him calling again, just like before. But this time I wouldn't response, I wouldn't take him back, I still love him, but I will learn to live without him, I would learn to not love him, O God, how could I learn not to love him. But I have to be strong for myself, I have to be strong. Else I will not get true this.  
  
The end. 


End file.
